Our shameful sexual fantasies are not what we think.
We have been taught to keep them hidden in the shadows, to fear their impact, that we will be judged, found out and annihilated.
Yet in perpetuating this pattern of supression, we have done ourselves a huge disservice. These fantasies will often hold valuable gems pointing to our truth.
When explored in a safe space, with a proper process, they can become a tool for radical and sustainable transformation.
Our darkest shadow, our greatest transformation.
Sexual fantasies, especially our most shameful and compulsive ones, will usually hold our darkest shadow.
The shadow is the underworld, the part of ourselves that we don't normally want to look at. We all have one, and it usually emerged from events from the past,probably early in our lives, during which we were made to believe we couldn’t be loved because of a certain aspect of ourselves.
Led by the fear of loss, we learn to hide certain key parts of ourselves away.
In this process, we often also switch off the parts of ourselves that make us unique, that point to our deepest truth, our highest gifts.
Unpacking our shadow will often be the best way to enable an awakening that will lead to changes that will ripple across every area of our lives.
Sex, and especially sexual shame, usually holds the darkest part of our shadow.
By unpacking it, we can awaken a huge power for transformation.
Our erotic essence
Second, our fantasies tell us a lot about ourselves, about our essence, and our truth. Each of us will be turned on by a unique combination of elements and fantasies.
What gets us excited, hard, wet, turns us on, will usually give us an accurate picture of what we deeply resonate with. This allows us to peak into the essence of who we are and subsequently the gifts we are here to share with the world.
What am I nourishing from here?
Next, sexual fantasies will often show us the parts of ourselves that are dormant, waiting to be awakened for us to be whole. Every act of sexuality is an act of seeking wholeness and oneness somehow. Therefore our sexual fantasies can show us what is missing.
What am I seeking in these fantasies?
And most importantly, a key question which might seem the most radical of all arises:
What am I feeding from in this fantasy?
What nourishment am I seeking there?
This is radical because for most of us, it can seem unfathomable that there would be nourishment in something as shameful as a rape or abuse fantasy.
This work is based on the idea that our deeply intelligent being is actually seeking nourishment in every moment, even in distorted ways such as addiction patterns, or shameful fantasies.
When we realise what nourishment we are seeking, we can then begin to look at where this nourishment can be found in other parts of our lives.
The next stage is to look within, knowing that everything we seek outside of us, is already within us.
This is where the practice of Orgasmic Shamanism comes in. In our deep dives, our practices of energy work and spontaneous movement, we awaken the deep understanding that everything we seek is already within us.
While the practice of exploring our sexual fantasies has a strong cognitive element, it is most of all an embodiment practice.
The key is to come back to the body, to its rich responses and to sit with the sensations, as well as the movements and visions that arise when we are in deep connection with it, and let them inform us.
What is shameful?
I see shame as an emotion which has been made up by humans. It does not exist in nature.
Shame differs from what is considered taboo by a society or what is illegal.
What matters is the personal experience of shame and how we relate to it.
What is shameful to one, may not be shameful to someone else.
Everything is allowed in this safe space.
I believe everything should be allowed in the space of fantasy processing.
I have worked with hundreds of clients on fantasies of rape, abuse, incest, pedophilia.
I want to be clear that I do not in any way support or condone the acting out of any sexual act that is illegal, or non-consenting.
I do believe all fantasies should be given a space for exploration and processing, as long as we are clear that acting it out would be wrong and that we are merely looking to process it, and learn from it.
Leaving a fantasy unexplored can be even more damaging than facing its ugly truth.
It is important to remember that process is not just about healing or tolerating a fantasy, but rather allowing it to unveil hidden parts of ourselves we would benefit from awakening.
What part of our gift, essence, of our soul, is seeking to awaken, albeit in a distorted way?
The process of exploring our fantasies has 4 parts.
First we create a safe space to evoke the fantasy, giving it full permission to be here.
This is radical for many of us, because so often we feel this fantasy should not be allowed.
We also allow ourselves to receive it fully, to imagine and visualize (even self-pleasure with) parts of the fantasy we never would have allowed ourselves to see before.
Taking a moment to slow down and pause with the fantasy as if we were pausing a movie.
We seek to simply rest back ad reach a neutral space of non-judgemental witnessing.
We drop into the body by noticing our sensations, our breath and anything else that arises.
How does my body feel right now?
What is this fantasy telling me?
The next stage is to ask ourselves what are we nourishing from in this fantasy.
What are we seeking here?
We then dig deeper to evoke our more intrinsic needs.
What is the impact of this nourishment in my life.
Who would I be if this need was met?
4- Resourcing within:
Having identified the deep yearning and impact we seek, we dive into our body to see how this need for nourishment can be filled by what is right here within the infinite nature of my being.
To take this exploration further, you can watch a video of a lecture, join an upcoming workshop, or follow a guided meditative practice.
Also known as the Orgasmic shaman, Marc is a somatic and shamanic therapist specialised in supporting radical transformation with the power of the orgasm. He defines transformation as the return to the truth of who we are.
He spends most of his time teaching his own practice, Orgasmic Shamanism, which uses energy work and spontaneous movement to harness the energy of the orgasm for spiritual growth and personal transformation.
His approach is often considered radical and his passion lies in transmuting our deep and most shameful shadows into our highest and most transformative power.
In 2013, he completed the Authentic Eros 1-year tantra and sexual explorations training with Kai Erhardt and Volker Moritz in Berlin.
He has taken Buddhist refuge under Tharig Rinpoche in Kathmandu and is also a mystery school initiate and guide; initiated into the mysteries in 2012 and initiated as a shaman in 2014. He has spent the years following his initiation travelling the world leading ceremonies, and workshops at some of the world’s most powerful sacred sites.
He has completed the 20 levels of the path of the sexual shaman training, by Arizona-Based sexual Shaman Kenneth Ray Stubbs who has been his mentor since 2016. He is also a trained facilitator in theta-healing, emotional freedom technique, and Reiki as well as a somatic movement facilitator.
His work of orgasmic shamanism emerged from his years of working with tantra, somatic movement and energy transmission work. He is passionate about providing a radical and integrated approach that supports clients and workshop participants in their journey to empowerment, higher purpose and limitless creativity.